Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
