Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
