Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
