I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize