No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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