have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
