I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
