I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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