Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
