She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
