Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize