i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
