It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he's gonorrhea incarnate
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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