i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
