Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
