So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize