Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
