bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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