mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
