i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
