Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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