please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
