For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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