"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
