and you said cock pushups were impossible
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well I just put wine in my tea
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
