If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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