I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
