Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
