Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
