I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
