were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
