Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
