On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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