my mouth tastes like poor choices
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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