If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
