I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
