Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
