It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
