i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
