Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
