I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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