How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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