Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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