yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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