no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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