I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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