my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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