you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if i died would you start the facebook group?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
