He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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