well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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