I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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