My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
