I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize