capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
