she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
