You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
