You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i dont even know how to be here
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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