i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
