just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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