New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
