I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
