I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
