I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
