allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
