My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
