Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
