I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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