I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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