I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
