the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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