Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
