why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I want a musical about memes.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
