im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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