i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
