Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
