Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
