do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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