hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
