i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize