Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Randomize
