Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
bring money and cleavage
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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